I was talking with a lady. She is not less then some 12 to 15 years elder then me. I am a witness of her marriage, which was in the year 1995, I guess. Now she is mother of two kids, and the elder daughter is 14 year old.
We talk very often, and some times I feel as if we are of same age. We make fun of each other, and at the same time, she teaches me some basic rules of life, which I love the most in her words.
Yesterday we were discussing on the effect of married life. One of my friend who married just some months ago, came to me yesterday and said he wanted to come very often, but her wife do not allow. So he lied here and came to me.
I was shocked hearing this, and said it to that lady. Her reply to this incidence made me think a lot on my way of life. I am just reproducing her words.
Its not good for a woman to ask her husband to always stay at home. if he asks to go some where, she should not hegitate to say yes. If he calls to go some good places, or to movie or market, she should show some excitement, so that her husband feels himself an important person in her life. Without these, the man may some times feel it is boring to stay at home, and he will prefer to stay outside. He will start telling lies and this may leave her in a sadistic life. At the beginning an women can impress her husband and ask her to do what ever she wants. But in a long run, she has every chance to stay away from the man she loves, because too much of caring seems to be a bondage.
I was surprised listening such words from her. And I think the same applies to a man too. What I noticed in her words is that, possessiveness is what a disease. And as soon as we can control this disease, we will be happy. This does not applicable to a husband or wife alone, this is applicable at all steps of life, with every one we contact, may our parents or siblings or friends..
We discussed some more things apart from this married life situation to some other married life situations which make the partners to complain each other.
To live happily, happiness must come from inside. Once can not force it on some one. I may complain many times that my husband does not take me outside. I want to go to some beautiful place to see, sit with him and forget the world around. But my husband wants to get money.
I feel bored while talking with him some times, because he speaks only about the ways he earns, the problems in his job, the problem in the society, how to get good clothes for the children, how to encourage them to studies. But I dont remember when last time he was in a romantic mood.
But with all this, I respect him, for being to much caring for us, and made our lives secure. When ever I have a little problem, its only he whom I recall, and know, he will never hegitate to even die for me and our children. I love him, for he loves me and our children.
But I dont enjoy talking with him long. Apart from all this we are happy couple. Because he is happy from inside, because I dont complain him for any of my desires, and he never complains me for my activities. He is not possessive, nor I am demanding in nature.
Every day, I finish my work and talk to my friends. There are some two to three friends, who may call me any time they wish, and I call them at my availability of time. Its been more then a 5 years that I call one of friend at 10 o' clock in the night and talk for an hour, by that time my husband get asleep. But in these times, he never once asked with whom I am talking, and never complained that my laughing and shouting disturbs his sleep.
I am happy from inside, for two reasons, for the freedom that my husband gave me, and for the friends with whom I talk. All my pains just go away when I talk to them. Hence I believe every women or men should have such friends, talking with whom they will feel fresh and energitic.
Such words from her made me think again on the topic of friendship. I asked why does not she married to some one with whom she enjoys in talking. It would have been better. Her reply was, she did the same. But as time passed, those remaine just as feded memory.
One thing I realised, marriage can not be an end to friendship. We need friends even after , in the same way, as we need today,